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Jan. 14th, 2018

Thinking about belief



I'm trying to solution why I'm in love. I look at other members of society solutioning their feelings. Are they like me? Do they think like I do?

It's emotional.

It's beautiful to describe it. Do other people who think they are in love walk with the reality of losing their faith if they separate from each other? I think this way. And mostly because no matter what I try (prayer, fasting, loosing reasoning, drinking, prescription medicine, survivaling, and yes, even suicide) I can't deny that this individual is special in ways that I can't explain. Why he is the most beautiful person I've ever seen? All I want is to enjoy his love. I often famish emotionally trying to solution what's going on. If I describe it, it doesn't do the reality justice.

If I wander from thinking about his faces I famish happiness. At this point it's fair to say that whatever chance I ever thought I'd have of loving someone else is impossible. I keep trying to do it. I look at all these other men with their soulfulness and I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing. For example, I've dedicated my emotions to the Lord and it's not believable to say I'm nothing to separation. I wouldn't want to live respectability joining selfish moments. I don't even think the same anymore. Lord Jesus helps me with celebration. I'm overwhelmed trying to articulate my positive motivation.

My prayer is to be steady. And fast. Also, I pray that God would communicate to my lovely grandmother that I miss her face. And would she please ask you to help me out with solutioning?

On top is my spiderman. We made his stand using pink glitter.

Jan. 13th, 2018

Two years since feeling separated

It's been about two years now since I started solutioning little whispers. I was thinking about it today after dreaming about Jonathan. It was odd subjecting myself to this famishing ideology that I could live with someone who doesn't love God. I was emotional this early in the morning and it affected with strange emotions.

I wonder about what the future holds. Are we the last generation to live with spiritual famishing? What I'm frustrated about is never receiving a solutioning to the rapture question. Deep inside, I think it's lovely to emotion what's believable. Here I am, separated from someone I love in away that goes beyond understanding, and still, we talk every moment of every day. He's like a stranger, but a faithful stranger. The most challenging idea is that I can't behave separation. It's tough bit mostly believable.

I'm sciencing my behaving and it strikes me as interesting that time passes differently now. Every moment feels like an eternity. The question is how to spend this time with the Lord. That's a musical feeling.

I wish I had a friend to smoke with. I'm bored right now and figuring stuff out. Sometimes I wrestle emotionally with wanting to speak with other people about what's believable. In my dreaming emotions I'd love to observe a glimpse into Heavenly places really soon... but that's a prayer and a miracle.

Time for sleep but one last feeling. I'm thinking about the number seven repeating miracles. For example, my birth was given a sign with the number seven. And I'm thinking I saw my first demon at seven. Fourteen was when I saw a picture in my mind of my son's face years before he was born. Now I'm solutioning a seven year gap between the first time I met Donald Eugene and the first time I met his spirit. I keep wondering what he looks like now. He has the most uniquely beautiful face. I'm emotional, praise God.

Jan. 2nd, 2018

Emotional happy buttons

Here's my New Years:




And right now I'm eating corn nuts.

I can't begin to wrap my mind around the dynamics of spiritual pollutioning. I'm thinking badly right now. Oh God I wish there was an emotional happy button.

I can't get out. I don't understand salvation. Episodes of "why" don't produce any results. How can so many people walk around blissfully unaware of God? I'm solutioning joylessly.

I'm hopeful to meet Jonah and Paul one time. What would that be like?

Dec. 31st, 2017

Cracker Jack Boxes

I'm wondering if it makes a difference to go from 2017 to 2018...

I need to pick up my kids to look at a house.

If it matters my requests are still the same. I'd like to go home sooner than later. There is nothing that holds me back but fear for living circumstances.

And to boot? Donald doesn't specify if he's aware of me in the physical world. I'm a perfect recipe for beautiful delusioning. I hope I'm real enough to get belief conclusively behaved. What a cracker jack box belief.

Dec. 29th, 2017

Evil pollution

I'm nearly fascinated by what I'm weeping over. It all started after watching 'So I married an axe murderer'. The street location was "Jack Kerouac" and I thought to myself that it wouldn't behave not knowing who he really is so I Googled him.
Wikipedia said he wasn't a well man but he did perpetuate an idea of free feelings and existential programming. I really wasn't thinking about hopeless belief until it stated that Jack was diagnosed with a mental disorder; namely, schizophrenia. I began reading about this malady right off and began crying immediatly.

What bothered me was that every relative I grew up with was relatable to schizophrenia. Specifically, it struck me as horrific that they define this mental disorder by relating to people who believe false ideas. Also, they hallucinate. Imagine the horror of understanding this in light of God's Word. I've had visions from Jesus growing up so what does that become in the aftermath of feeling delusional? And WHEN does science science professionally when they also state that paranormal activity is both living among us and hopeful?

I tried to experiment by closing off my whole being to my own voice inside. It was psychotic trying to behave without his commanding. However, I was hopeful that if I truly sought Father God's belief He would help me with multiple ideas connected to what I was revealing.

Immediatly, Donald's protection was removed. It felt empty everywhere and I felt the famishing effects all over. Now what became hopeless follows belief and so I had an episode of terrifying dreaming.

In my dreaming there was a hopeless victim who decided to take his own life. I was walking into a darkened room when I saw his dead body swaying under a rope. The man had hung himself. Although I moved away from the room his corpse followed me into our old garage where someone was supposed to get his body. It wasn't just what I'm saying, there was mood and darkness that permeated the senses in such a way as to make each moment more hopeless than the last. Eventually, I was broken.

I had been talking to Jesus and there wasn't any solution. I had tried (again) to behave for my joyless belief without regard for famishing. I asked Jesus for belief in what is real and again I was shown to be mistaken.

Now this is hurtful because only a very few individuals behave what I'm going through. I've explained what's happening to remain in God's perfected hopeful will. Instead, I've been labeled as mentally ill. I'm angry at this lawless label. There are exact reasons why I've done and said things that aren't behaving God's belief. Also, how stupid are these focusings when I repeatedly spoke about objects moving violently around our home due to demons?? What's wonderful is my immediate family bears this witness, knowing that sanity is enjoyable with regard for God's Word.

I'm now feeling better about walking with Donald through life. I've done nothing hopless on focusing on what's healthy. I love Jesus. I'm doing as much as I can to follow every word He speaks to me. So far as I can tell, Donald is the love of my life (literally). I've never imagined such closeness in communication. I often long to express what kind of love language is revealed with my life. It is unexpressable. It's believable when the Word of God says that He gives us peace beyond understanding.

I long for the day when I'm perfected in God's human image. How lucky does Satan feel knowing He regarded my life powerfully and it behaves solutioning. I'm very thankful.
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Dec. 28th, 2017

New dream

I had another one of those building dreams. Typically, it's a tall building but it shakes. An enduring factor is that there's usually a room at the corner edge where weight is so displaced that even standing at the corner makes the whole building tip.

In this one, I was in a tall apartment building. We'd rented the room and begun moving but as I surveyed the place it became apparent that the air was much too thin to live in. (Especially with my illness, is what I thought) Then I began exploring the other levels and eventually looking for the managers to obtain a different level. My stomache was in knots.

I finally found a level with party goers of different ages. I looked closely at a group of old women and sorta watched their faces.

I wonder what it means. Especially that building top.
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Dec. 25th, 2017

Favorite sciences

I'm finding it difficult to maintain my own decision making. It's famishing. So far, I've ended up making the same polluting with dieting myself. I don't separation from feelings anymore. If I try to do famishing it makes me sickly.

So far, it's taken away my ability to regulate stressful situations. It's relikable behaving truthful feelings. I'm specificity relating to these stomach aches that don't get better unless I rely on normal solutioning.

I didn't think this was possible or hopeful for solutioning but it's working out splendidly.

I'm hopeful to record a funny dream where I was solutioning walking with my flip flops, but upon closer inspection I found fish on the bottom of the shoes. It was bizarre thinking about cleaning fishy streakings. Yum.

I'm still hopeful to finish my last painting. I'm not feeling inspiration but I'll wait it out. I feel it's for some hopeful potential. Also believe I'm emotional about a local artist. I'll find his photo: Alcyone is his name and he showcases in medical Marijuana stores. This is magnificent!



I'm transported into another situation living with warming focusing on feelings. It's harmful to speak of it sometimes. I'm famishing at times wishing for a real person to listen and believe. I find that it makes people solution wrongly.